In order to get from my local library to the grocery store, I often drive through Delhi Park. I have a lot of fond memories of this park, mostly of playing sports as a youth. Today when I drove through, however, a more…unfortunate…memory came to mind. Hopefully you get some laughs out of my pain.

I was pretty good on roller skates & roller blades back in the day, meaning I could go pretty fast. We used to have rollerskating parties at Western Rollarama and the cool kids went on the “Moonlight Skate,” where a romantic mood was set by one flip of the light switch. Glory days…until one day when they randomly threw me out for “slide-tackling little kids,” though I had touched no one. Despite my pleas, I had to sit outside alone and wait for my friend Joe’s mom to pick us up. I think that was the last time I ever went to that fine establishment.

I even took ice skating as an elective in college. (Before you make fun, I had heard it was a guaranteed ‘A’ and there were about 40 girls and 6 guys in the class.) I could skate forward and backwards with ease, but there was one problem: I never learned how to stop. Kind of a big problem when it comes to skating, I guess. This meant if someone got anywhere near me I had to take a dive or just veer off to smack into the rink wall. People seemed to enjoy watching me skate, come to think of it.

Back when we were about 12 years old, my friend Jeff and I were rollerblading in said park one sunny, summer afternoon. We were going down the steepest hill in the park, right by where the old bridge used to be. At that time, they had a speed-bump at the bottom of the hill with a small gap in the middle. As we whipped down the hill, we noticed a car coming towards us on the other side of the street. Jeff was slightly ahead of me and went through the middle. I had no other option, so I hit the bump at full speed and launched into the air full of terror. My legs went straight out in front of me and I landed about ten feet away. I landed on my butt so hard that I ripped a hole though my shorts AND my underwear. For awhile I could barely stand up, let alone walk. The drivers of two cars were so concerned that they actually put their cars in park and got out to make sure I would survive. I don’t recall them laughing out loud, so that was nice of them. I was so embarrassed that I said I was okay and skated off. Looking back, I am surprised -and proud- that I did not ruin my drawers in any other way, if you know what I mean. I think that was the last time I ever roller-bladed.