I was recently reminiscing about some of the…less smart things that I have done in my life. One that came to mind immediately, due to the self-inflicted pain I caused myself, was a battle that I fought with a bottle of hot sauce.
Spoiler alert: I lost.
I wanted to top off some scrambled eggs and shredded cheese with some Louisiana Hot Sauce that had been sitting neglected in my fridge for a long time. So long, in fact, that the small opening had crusted over. I tried to use a fork to puncture the blocked passage, but the tines were too close together.
Since I didn’t have anything else to use, I decided to use brute force to show this bottle who was boss. I banged it on my counter top, causing the hot sauce to shoot out of the top of the bottle and directly into my eye. I vividly recall my initial thought: Oh no, this is NOT good!
I got to my bathroom sink and mirror as quickly as I could. Luckily, I had contact lenses in, which was a big blessing. I flushed my eyes for several minutes to soothe the sting and the pain subsided in 15 minutes or so. I would like to point out that my strategy did work. I was able to put hot sauce on my food, I just couldn’t see the food or the tv for an hour or two.
Keith Maginn, author 